How to Deal With a Red Imposter (RSVP Required)
A Red Imposter lives among us! He or she keeps popping up now and then to shock and embarrass us. A Red Imposter can be anyone from a rich jerk who owns an illegal gambling establishment to a 15 year old boy with a sex addiction problem. How is Red Impersonator like Elvis Presley?
AMONG US: The Red Imposter plays the part of the tough guy, always ready to “teach them a lesson” for not paying the rent. They tend to take over the house or apartment by force. Have you ever implemented someone into the gang by force? Haven’t!
But hey, that’s just us. We are not the only ones who have the characteristics of a Red Imposter. Sometimes a Red Impersonator makes friends with some of our crew members. And then one day they decide to start a dream Christmas party…
DON’T: Start a scene where everyone is drunk. If you have a dream date then do it sober. Red Impersonators often get really drunk in a club or bar before making their big debut. It is up to you if you want to take a chance and join them.
BUT: If you want a red impostor gone forever, then do whatever it takes. Don’t start a fight. Don’t give your weapon or possessions to them. You can even threaten to have them killed if they continue to harass you. You might want to have a trusted neighbor look over your shoulder while you sleep to make sure they aren’t following you around.
BUT: If it is your birthday and you are going to be surrounded by strangers all night, then go ahead. Just make sure that you don’t bring any guns or weapons. That would just be a waste of time. Carry a pepper spray and call the police. You don’t have to be the hero this time.
BUT: There are some things that we can’t control. If you are at a party and someone pulls a gun on you, don’t run over and try to save them. Run to the other side and call the cops. Chances are they will treat you with kid’s gloves. But seriously, don’t try to save a friend who has been mugged. Chances are, they will just mug you back or take off running.
But most importantly: Have fun. If you go out drinking, enjoy yourself! It’s supposed to be a happy time. You know what they say, “lets have a laugh.” Be safe and have a good time.
BUT: One word of caution. If you ever decide to drink too much, especially late at night, then go home right away. Leave the bar and get home. This can be dangerous and very bad for your liver. Also, if you happen to go home and have one drink and pass out, you could be really sick.
BUT: A Red Impruder birthday party is not so funny if it turns into a fight. If there is an argument, just try to calm everyone down and remember not to fight. Even though you might feel tempted to, do not fight a fellow Red Imposter.
BUT: Don’t be the bad guy. At the end of the day, as Red Impruder birthday party host, you are the boss. So, when someone tries to steal your cake, it’s your cake. Make sure they can’t take it. Then call the police.
But: If they still won’t cooperate, call the Red Impruder authorities. They will be able to help them. However, do not call the local police. The local cops will be too busy; they can’t even help you, since they don’t know who you are.
So, what is the answer? Relax. Enjoy the party. You are celebrating his birthday. Let him enjoy his own. And worst of all: Have fun!